


the ramblings of a lunatic (This Is The One That Has Shit Formatting)

by bitxh



Series: Fics I Wrote After My Idiot Brain Couldn't Stop Thinking About A Tumblr Post [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Inspired By Tumblr, Jaskier | Dandelion Being a Feral Bastard, Jaskier | Dandelion Has a Past, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Jaskier | Dandelion, Timeline What Timeline, author is sleep deprived and unreliable, i took an already messy timeline and said ok now my turn, like im not sure the timeline makes sense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitxh/pseuds/bitxh
Summary: once again inspired by a tumblr post! this one is a post by pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos and it's basically jaskier getting drunk and being like "lmao geralt cant believe you still think my name's jaskier" and then the goblin that lives in my brain insisted i give it plot, and now i have like 3k written for this and honestly i am exhausted. also I looked up medieval insults for this!THE FORMATTING ON THIS ONE IS APPARENTLY JUST PROOF I CANT HAVE NICE THINGS BECAUSE IDK WHAT I DID TO DESERVE NOT BEING ABLE TO FIX IT, I HAVE ANOTHER FIC WITH THE SAME NAME AND THE SAME STORY WHERE I WILL CONTINUE TO POST, PLEASE READ THAT ONE, ALSO IM SORRY FOR CAPSLOCK THIS IS JUST TO GRAB UR ATTENTION)
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Fics I Wrote After My Idiot Brain Couldn't Stop Thinking About A Tumblr Post [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638892
Comments: 14
Kudos: 108





	1. there is like zero plot yet fair warning

**Author's Note:**

> (the title has nothing to do with the story im just a lunatic) ok so this can be seen as related to my last fic? the braincell one. or it can be seperate. you don't have to read that one to understand this one. also i am not sure how this fits in with the actual witcher timeline. so just be warned i basically made my own. subsequently i almost named this 'Sloppy Timeline for Sloppy Bitches', the timelines not super important just take everything at face value and you wont be confused.

It had been a fairly simple hunt. They were back to the inn just as the sun was setting, for once Geralt wasn’t entirely covered in guts and mud. Jaskier was thrilled with both of these things, and was singing loudly as they made their way in.  
He continued singing as Geralt found them a table in the corner. The bard had put a hat down that he seemed to always have with him but never wore, and soon it was filled with coin.  
These people were already thoroughly drunk or were in insanely high spirits. Either way things were going well; no one approached Geralt, except the barmaid to give him a drink, she even flashed him a quick smile. Jaskier played for the better part of an hour, and when he had decided he had enough he sat next to Geralt with his cheeks flushed and his eyes a bit glazed. He always looked like that after a good performance, riding some high that only an adoring audience could give him.  
Jaskier looked exhausted as he had made his way over to the Witcher but Geralt could tell that the bard had energy buzzing through him, and even if he didn’t know that from the way he seemed to just know everything about Jaskier, the way that his hand shook when he snatched Geralt’s mug to steal a drink, and the wild look in his eyes would have been an obvious indicator. The Witcher took it back from him, when only about half of the liquid remained.  
After about an hour of steady drinking the bard had calmed down but was very much intoxicated. He was clinging onto Geralt, with his head on his shoulder singing softly, so softly that if Geralt didn’t have enhanced senses he wouldn’t have been able to hear it. The Witcher was just about to suggest they go to bed for the night when yelling broke out across the room. Both men whipped their heads up to see two men covered in dirt and sweat who both looked about ready to start throwing punches.  
One of them was clutching cards in his hand and he threw them on the floor while yelling, “You’re a fucking liar! I’m not giving you shit, you fucking cheating bastard! I know you did something to my cards!”  
The other man whose entire face bright red, took a step forward, “I didn’t fucking cheat! You’re just shit at cards! Give me my fucking coins or I’ll take them from you!”  
The fight was cut short by a group of men that had been sitting at the bar pulling the two apart, while the barmaid yelled at them to either figure it out or get out. The two men retreated to separate corners of the room while glaring at each other. That was cut short by the barmaid glaring at the two of them until they turned away from each other.  
Jaskier who was apparently much more drunk than Geralt had previously thought, put his head back down on Geralt’s shoulder and snuggled further into the Witcher’s shoulder, wrapping his own arm around Geralt’s forearm. “I don’t see why lying’s such a big deal.”, he stopped to yawn, “People do it all the time, parents lie to children to get them to eat their vegetables, I lied to my mother for years about only sleeping with women. Hell you still think my name’s Jaskier.”  
Geralt choked on his beer, “What?”  
“What?”  
“You’re name’s not Jaskier?”  
“Obviously not.”, the bard said like it was obvious, hardly containing his laughter. “I made the name up when I began travelling on my own.”  
“What’s your real name?”, Geralt honestly had just thought the bard was stupid enough to give strangers his real name for years. In Geralt’s defence Jaskier really had no sense of self preservation.  
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”, with that the bard got up and disappeared up the stairs to the room they were sharing for the night. This left Geralt sitting at the table wondering what purpose Jaskier had for concealing his identity. After a few minutes of pondering this the Witcher realized it didn’t really matter that he didn’t know the bard’s real name, he knew enough about the man to know he could trust him.  
Still there was power in a name, it made sense to keep it protected if one had a good reason. Geralt just couldn’t think of what reason Jaskier would have.  
By the time Geralt made it up to the room Jaskier was asleep on top of the covers with his lute still strung to his back. Geralt sighed and took the lute off the younger man, and put him under the covers, before getting in himself.


	2. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is not a real chapter just an update about the wack ass formatting on the last one

i do not know what happened with the last chapter??? the fic posted twice and the other one formatted properly so i will most likely be updating this on there from now on. but! you people are so fucking nice??? thank you so much i was really insecure about how this fic is turning out so far and your comments mean so much!! im gonna have a second chapter out relatively soon, im hoping tonight but i know if i say that for sure it wont happen so soon!!!

**Author's Note:**

> any feedback is much appreciated!! i have like one to two more chapters written that i still need to edit, and how fast i post those is pretty much reliant on if people like this and want more cuz tbh im on a writing kick rn and im just cranking shit out, so i have a couple things on the back burner that might get my full attention, idk. i have to figure out how i want to end this. ill post the whole thing at some point tho i think. also everything i write is just "lets see how many meme references i can stick together and call it a story." also apologies if this doesnt make any sense because im at the point of tired where your eyes hurt. also huge thank you to all the positive feedback i got on my last fic!!! yall r the reason i even got this out so fast!!!


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